” A Dream – The Dream “

” Dear eyes, good night,
In golden light
The stars around you gleam;
On you I Press
With soft caress
A little lovely dream…”

Dream

These days I have been dreaming a lot lately. It may be because the doors of my mind are opening more. I must say – an honest confession – not that of an addict- I may go cold turkey if you want me to – but I think, that the Cannabis has blissful properties and at least once in a life time, one must freely fall into its nonchalance to reach the nooks and corners of one’s mind. Anyways, if I write more about the trails of marijuana, you would start thinking of sending me to a rehab. I was talking about the dream I had last night which, if I don’t pen down now, will be lost in my eternal mind forever again.

These dreams come to me more often, and are getting more vivid each day. It is as if I am lucid dreaming and one such experience I had yesterday night. My father had come to visit me and so maybe, his presence had ramifications strong enough to make me dream about him.

I love the place I come from; the dusty roads and the rickety buses running over them; earthy particles tickling your nose and off course the aroma of garam-garam jalebis filling the aura every time you breathe in; reasons plenty enough to make me go weak on my knees every summer and influence my father to plan a trip to my Grandma’s. The house in front of the police faadi, (what they call a station) and a perspicuous view of the imam engrossed in his worldly activities of pleasing The Allah. Yes, the only neighbours we have were Allah living in his masjid with his kids living in the campus. My three storeyed manor was tall enough to play peek-a-boo with the kids living way down below (in height, off course. I am not condescending my presence)

The dream was more of me taking back to those roads where I and father used to go on our usual stroll by the sides, discussing some of the pressing issues of the family. The only difference this time being, the centre of issue was I. I and father, we have been more of friends always and with his keen interest in sorting affairs of my life, he has more often started to share his experiences and how he used to be in his untamed days. We were walking the talk, when we crossed a pandemonium around the masjid. A lot of movement of men and kids guffawing and chuckling was what aroused both of our interests. Still we kept on with the pace, keeping our curiosity at the back seat. But, desperateness took over and father went back. He started peeking through the doors of Masjid, as if he was searching for me inside. But, there I stood behind him, so what was he looking at or rather who was he looking for? A streak of disappointment hit his face and seeing my anxiety, he decided to tell his story en route to home; his sholay story of Jai and Veeru, my dad and his chuddy buddy – (let’s call him Mr. Veeru for the time being as dreams are like shades of Grey…they leave gaps on trivial facts or they leave it unto you to find your own truth, whatever it is…)

He mentioned that, once he had a very good friend, his partner in childhood crimes, a Mosalmán – a follower of Islam; and on the porch of that masjid they had met last before father took off for his higher studies. Those days, the only way to keep in touch with people foregone was, to keep them alive in your threads of memory.  The good times spent with him was what made him go through the doors to search if he was still there somewhere, maybe chuckling with his kids now.

I without, scrutinizing much, insisted us to go back looking for him. The quest of finding him in me was strong enough to question around 100s, but all went in vain. You see, it’s difficult to find people with most common names. You have 100 % probability of finding the name, but always with the wrong faces glued to it.

I knew we had to catch our trains back to Bokaro the day – after, and so the disappointment on father’s face was coming as a fear over me. You know, back then, I was oblivion to the difficulties of life; I always used to think, life is hunky dory. The onus was on me and I had failed. I cried myself to sleep until the morning took over.

Forgetting about the quest I was on, I was busy playing with the pin wheel my grandpa had gifted the following day. When we were kids, I and my sister always awaited such moments with pleasure – the time when arrived and the time when we departed. No matter how much fun you have had, these are the moments of euphoria; unfolding special surprises and gifts by your elder ones…

We were making our way between the crowds to board the train, when I remember somebody nagging me from the back, wearing a kurta not as white as his skull cap; holding fingers of a tall – herculean man; and his brown little eyes fixed on my pin wheel. The tall man hugged my father tight when I figured out it was for him, that I had cried myself to sleep, the previous night.

I don’t remember much of my Dad s response to the warmness of Veeru’s hug. Of course, he would not be crying because when two grown up men meet, happy tears is the least one should expect. All I remember is Veeru narrating his story of how he made it to the station and to us on time. After his daily share of namaaz at 5 in the morning, someone from the masjid had told him that a young bald Non-Moselman man and his beautiful little daughter came all the way looking for him. After a series of interrogations and phone calls, there he was, standing with us at the station.

I went frenetic when dad mentioned that if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t have been there. All of a sudden, I was swirling around in Veeru’s arms. I was the protagonist and I was happy about it. Ignorant about all the melodrama, the boy was still standing there with his eyes fixed upon my pin wheel. His brown little eyes glistened in the silhouette of the morning sun when I handed over the pinwheel to him.

I was walking tall – my head held high. My triumphs were constantly fueling my pride every passing moment. When we got up the train, I was thinking, will ever those tiny brown eyes come back looking for me and if yes, then how will they find me? Out of curiosity unbound, I asked father the same. My joy seemed no bounds, when father said he had secretly written my name on that pin wheel I had gifted him.

I was convinced that – yes. Allah did live as my neighbor and he does live in my father too. This was the dream I had last night, but what if it was a reality untold by father… What if those tiny brown eyes are still searching for me somewhere? Well, will have to check it out with father!

” My Experiments with the truth …”

Image

Each one has one’s own set of beliefs, the conscience to distinguish between wrong or right and for those who don’t; nothing else can be a greater threat to the whole of Humanity than they themsleves.

My experiments with the truth allow me to set a very bleak demarcation between yin – yang, truth – lie, right – wrong; very relative , varying greatly with the intensity of situations I have been through. Whats conscience? A person’s sense of distinguishing between whats good and whats bad. But , what if the circumstances shape even a sound person in a way that he leaves his judgement behind and choose to walk on a path socially stigmatized ??? Say, hunger forces one to steal; is it morally correct or utterly inhumane to punish him? What if I was made to starve for 100 days and then left in a land of cuisines but not a penny to buy… Will I not steal or beg or use whatever it takes to satisfy my needs? Have I lost my conscience or is it that I never had one or is it that situations have turned me to be a monster? So is it alright to continue being a monster cos. people wont see what you have been through, what they do is just judge u right away cos that’s the easiest thing they can do!

If everything’s relative, how do people randomly filter out bad from good ?? Is it just that either they have never been in surreal situations or they think themselves to be too smart to set standards for the whole of human society merely on the basis of what they believe in !!

What if I say what’s harm in surrendering yourself to one person whom you think will never take advantage of you, whom you think is truly-madly-deeply in love with you, the one whom you think deserves it in the right moment; rather than just doing it for the sake of doing without even properly knowing, just like the concept, arranged marriage is based on. I know one thing you would be doing for sure now is forming your notion of me ( Has she done it ?? Then why is she defending this part more…) Nothing new if you are judging me right away rather than logically thinking on the point I am trying to put; as I already mentioned, classifying people is what we are good at … 

What is more disgusting is to observe Faith / Belief taking over Educated people / Reality. You put a board – “Please don’t spit ” or in fact stand with that board in your hand and people will spit on you without even seeing your face and to my amazement and amusement, pasting figures of Gods / Goddess , carving catchy religious slogans stops these educated fellows from doing so. Faith is good but the blindness associated with it can lead us nowhere and so has been the case with this country – at least i can say that confidently after measuring the quality of life and the growth of gray matter , people around me have!

The more I grow, the more my thoughts demand logic behind everything & hence, the more I distance from Humanity. Not to say that I am Anti – Humane / Metaphysical / Non – conformist in my approach , I still am a part of the flock but many things I find here are baseless, illogical and contradictory. The thought of spending a zillion, in fact taking loans – spending all your life’s savings just to create a hullabaloo for hosting the best wedding in town for people who don’t even remember whose wedding they are shitting out the very next morning? Why not redirect the whole energy in pampering yourself, planning a nice vacation around the world and living moments worth remembering all your life…!!!

Countless issues block my head daily and I don’t seem to find a way to channelize them other than writing them down here cos if everybody thought like me, to have stuck in a hypocrite society, they wouldn’t have boasted off the Indianess ( not getting the correct word for this… how does that matter when my thoughts are clear !) lying in their heart, taking pride while humming the national tune and also the world would have been a much much better place to live in!!!

So, coming to the point straight, how will you now measure my level of conscience after reading this?

” carrefour “

Meet

How I am gonna go alone? I never talked to this person and all of sudden how can he invite me to Bauwaajee. I know I ” Go Ape ” for samosas and Bauwaajee has some of the yummiest ones in the town, but then going out with a random guy would make me so uncomfi…

Come on, its just a samosa!! You know you are not an old school and besides he s not any random guy, he was in your training batch for one whole year and admit it, u had an eye for him when he was around. How can you brutally reject his invitation for samosa, that too the ones you can die for?? Yes, you can always drag Rimi along.You know she never falls short of topics.So, no chances of that awkward silence creepin’ in and on top of it , she can always give you guys a ride in her car plus she ll get to eat free Bauwaajee samose, so she s never gonna deny the deal.

But then, will it not be cheesy to carry your BFF along on your first date? He may never ask you out again…Oh come on! You re being too speculative and besides , it’s just a ” Bauwaajee Hangout ” , not any slumber party he invited you to.

We met outside my office gate. We had an acquaintance. He was one among st  the most talked about guys in my gang, during the GT period. But then, I used to be a heartthrob for many too, I guess . We never hit any conversation back then , despite of us being in the same committee for Sports.

What is he up to ; If not then, then why now..  What does he want from me?Confusion struck me like a thunderbolt when I first saw him near d tobacco seller , outside my office.Did I make him wait too long or did he smoke by that time ?I so hated smokers back then. Aah..! At least he managed to shoo away the pungent smoky odour from his mouth!

Rimi came to rescue, hit the conversation while I was still entangled with my thoughts.Good decision to bring Rimi along 🙂 !  We hopped in her car, where he offered to drive it for her. Doubting his driving skills, she couldn’t gather the courage to let him do the honours and we laughed it out. Besides, I remember, he had met with a super deadly accident in GT which kinda’ distorted his flawless, radiant looking face back then. So , handing over the keys , that too on our first ride was a distant dream.

Reaching Bauwajee was a matter of minutes. Despite of having oral thrush past few days ; out of sheer excitement , I ate 3 jhaal samose with the super mirchi chutney which we got for free. May be  later on , I was literally on fire , things started to whistle around; but then he offering me bottles of water , fused the whole ” aag ” within me 😛 .

We exchanged a couple of stupid conversations about life in a green – field project he was working on, in the small – town of Jajpur. Though he seemed pretty much excited in answering all my boring questions and that’s when Rimi suddenly came up with her plan of leaving us alone , listening to the class of conversations we were  having. She went out for some work she had, at her dad ‘s office which was just across the lane. I was like, what I am gonna do alone.

But then , those few moments , I don’t even remember what we talked about as I was too occupied with my adrenaline rush , to remember how exactly time passed by and Rimi came back.Not knowing where to head to , and besides the deal was only of Bauwaajee s samose along with some low class – 35 yr oldies ogling at you cos. that also comes for free along with the spicy mirchi – mustard chutney at Bauwaajee, we went our ways until ” ❤ – walo ki shehar  – Dilli ” happened to both of us and that’s exactly how we met for the first time !